Good "Advices": Sexism and Shame

"Ang mga lalaki, hindi mageeffort kung walang gusto sa isang babae 'yan.  Dahil sadyang tamad ang mga lalaki." ("Guys won't put out any effort if they don't like a girl, because guys are lazy.")

"Ang mga babae, gusto nila 'yung sense of belongingness.  Gusto nila pinapakilala sila sa pamilya mo, sa mga friends mo.  Gusto nila 'yung feeling na ginagawa mo siyang bahagi ng buhay mo.  Siguro mababaw lang para sa'yo pero malaking bagay sa kanila yan." (Girls like a sense of belonging.  They like when you introduce them to your family and friends.  They like the feeling that you are making them part of your life.  It's probably petty for you but it's a big thing for them.")

These are two of the many quotations currently circulating on the internet that are credited to Love Radio DJ Papa Jack.  His wildly popular segment, which consists mostly of him ridiculing and demeaning his callers, is called True Love Conversation -- often ironically shortened to "TLC."

Let me first make the clarification that I am not terribly familiar with Papa Jack and his show.  I am generally not a fan of radio, and I definitely don't follow him religiously like his hardcore fans do.  However, I have tried listening to his segment a few times.  No more than a few, mainly for the reason that the interaction between the condescending host and grovelling caller drives me to disgust -- and, if the option is available, to turn off the radio.

Papa Jack's "advices" (I should not have to point out that "advices" is not a real word.) ring with heteronormativity.  He subscribes to strict gender roles, constantly reinforcing that men act and think in a certain way and women act and think in another way.  Although the two sometimes overlap, more often than not, the mindset and behavior he projects onto the entire male or female population depends on his caller's story.  And sometimes, they border on misogynistic.

"Lalabas ka ng bahay, kita cleavage, tapos kapag tinitigan magagalit!  'Wag ka magsuot ng ganyan!" ("You leave the house baring cleavage, then when you are looked at, you get mad!  Then don't wear that!")

This is a classic example of the subtle oppression women experience everyday.  Yes, it is true that revealing clothes tend to attract attention.  But if attention is given to you in such a way that you are offended, the problem is not that you are wearing the wrong clothes.  It's that the people giving you that negative attention think that it's okay for them to do so.  If men subject you to invasive looks and cat calls, can they justify it by saying that you brought it upon yourself by choosing to wear revealing clothes?  What does that say about their position in society?  Male privilege dictates that women who embrace their femininity through outfits that they find flattering are subject to the judgment and mistreatment of men.  On the other hand, men can judge and objectify freely.  This is how they can control women's bodies without even trying.  If they are ever called out on their rudeness, they can justify it by saying that women "just shouldn't dress that way."

To be fair, it's not only girls who are victim of Papa Jack's blatant generalization.  The way he talks about boys is equally offensive.  In a nutshell, his idea of the male population is apathetic, impatient, insensitive and shallow.  And contrary to their supposed nature, what they should be doing is treating girls like spoiled, dependent, invertebrate-like princesses.

"Kapag nanligaw tayong mga lalaki, wala tayong karapatang magmadali. Ang mga babae naman, karapatan niyong magmaganda kasi ikaw ang nililigawan." ("In courtship, a guy has no right to rush things. Girls have the right to make themselves pretty because you are the ones being courted.")

In harsher terms, all guys are completely against taking things slow (probably because they're only after sex) and girls who guys are pursuing have the golden opportunity to primp themselves up so that those guys find them attractive.  These are stereotypes that should have died years ago.  There are still decent guys out there who can treat a girl like an equal without offending her sensibilities.  And when girls dress up and look pretty, it doesn't have to be to catch a guy's attention.  A lot of girls just like to feel good about themselves.  These are things that Papa Jack and his avid fans need to realize.

Papa Jack's avid fans, however, seem to be preoccupied with the perverse pleasure of hearing strangers share their most intimate secrets on live radio.  Following that, they are humiliated in a variety of ways.  Papa Jack will usually begin by pointing out that they are in the wrong and other parties involved in the situation are simply bystanders who are acting exactly like they should -- exactly as he expects them to.  The caller is rarely the victim, and if they are, it's their own fault for putting themselves in that position.  All this incompetence is typically attributed to -- what else? -- love.

"Kapag tanggap mong pwede kang maging tanga, then you're inlove."  ("Once you have accepted that you can be stupid, then you're in love.")

Papa Jack's "words of wisdom" often play off of the well-worn idea that love is both joy and torment.  His callers were made fools out of love, and when they ask him for help, he tells them that that's just how it is.  Love comes with a rule book that he made up (having no credentials or experience in the field of psychology), and it is from this that he preaches to his clients.  He lowers their self-esteem with what some might call "tough love," and others might call "unprovoked bullying."

Perhaps the reason why Papa Jack is such a hit is schadenfreud.  As third-party observers, the audience gets a sick feeling of satisfaction from hearing about someone whose life is more miserable than theirs.  The cherry on top is the ridicule that the person is put through.  We believe the caller is stupid; the DJ telling the caller that they are stupid on broadcast makes it true, and all the more entertaining.  Face saving is an important part of Philippine culture.  In most social situations, we feel compelled to avoid saying and doing things that would embarrass others.  While tuning in to a radio show, we are free of that responsibility because the situation is beyond our control.  And perhaps we get some perverse pleasure out of witnessing without consequence what is so taboo in our day to day lives.

You may call me a hater.  I will not pretend that I see the good in TLC, or that I understand Papa Jack's following who treat him with such undeserved reverence.  But I cannot stop people from listening to his segment or calling in and subjecting themselves to his cruelty.  I only implore that you think of what you're doing, and ...

"Kung hindi ka happy, tanungin mo ang sarili mo, kelan ka ba huling tunay na naging masaya?"  ("If you are unhappy, ask yourself, when is the last time you were truly happy?")

Because of all his "advices" that I have heard and read, this is -- awkward phrasing aside -- the one that makes the most sense.  And I am willing to bet that the answer any potential caller would give is not "when I was made fun of on air for every Papa Jack listener to hear."